| Posted: 09/November/2007 at 13:54 | IP Logged
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A Norwegian newspaper, VG, has the most absurdly funny headlines in the world. I think they take themselves semi-seriously and don't attempt to be funny... perhaps. They tend to be hillarious for two reasons (beyond the underlying contents of the headlines which can be funny in themselves):
1) The way they link unrelated events for simplicity and dramatic effect, such as "SLEPT - DIED".
2) The way they make up new words to make the story more headline-friendly, such as the classic "hashapprehended" which sounds better when directly translated to "hashtaken", ie. apprehended by the police for possession of hash.
It is possible to have a conversation in VG-headline-speak, centred around the possibility of your current activity ending up as a VG headline. Such as "hashtaken nudeswimmer jellyfishmurdered".
Below is a list compiled by my friend Joergen, all in Norwegian, of course. So part of the fun for me will be to try to directly translate everything into English for an international audience.
"Kuttet egen penis etter meditasjons-ereksjon" (VG 22.11.2006)
"Chopped off own penis after meditation-erection". I'm sure you didn't need my help to figure that one out.
"Passet på Bush - døde" (VG 27.11.2006)
"Looked after Bush - died"
"Kastet ut av kakekaster" (Nettavisen 30.11.2006)
"Thrown out by cakethrower"
"Fjert førte til nødlanding" (Dagbladet 06.12.2006)
"Fart led to emergency landing"
"Penis-krøll ga kjønssjokk" (Nettavisen 06.05.2002)
"Penis-curl gave sexshock" That's a tricky one as I don't know the context. It's probably "Penis-confusion led to gendershock".
"Dop-avslørt etter bil-sex" (Nettavisen 05.03 2002)
"Drug-revealed after car-sex"
"Elvis-imitator amok på gamlehjem" (Nettavisen 28.09.2001)
"Elvis-imitator berzerk at old people's home"
"Fikk erstatning - tatt for dop" (Aftenposten 18.12.2006)
"Got compensation - taken for drugs"
"Kakkerlakk-stengt" (VG-nett 14.12.2006)
"Cockroach-closed"
"Savnet fly borte" (VG-nett januar 2007)
That's funny, it really could be "Missing plane missing". But "Missing plane gone" (as in "disappeared", but that's NOT the word used) is probably better.
"Skulle hente noe - ble drept" (Nettavisen 05.01.2007)
Absurdity defined. "Was going to pick something up - was killed"
"Flybesetning fylletatt på Flesland" (VG 08.10.2007)
"Planecrew drunktaken at Flesland" (an airport)
"Dømt til fengsel etter penis-MMS" (VG 09.01.2007)
"Sent to jail after penis-MMS"
"Rema-Reitan Porno-Anmeldt" (VG 17.01.2007)
"Rema-Reitan Porno-Accused" or "reported" (to the police), rather. "Rema" is a supermarket chain and "Reitan" is the surname of the owner.
Oh and another one just came to me:
"Bingo-granny dealing drugs" (VG)
Got any good headlines? Share them!
Martin - Zanzibar
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FreeWillTravel Forum : Current Affairs and Politics
Topic: Funky newspaper headlines
